Ep34 Addiction Treatment | Family Recovery Solution

Ep34 Addiction Treatment Family Recovery Solution

[00:00:00] boom, boom,

Chris Langley: Hi. Welcome to Addiction Recovery Place Podcast, the podcast championing addiction treatment professionals around the world.

I'm your host, Chris Langley, and I'm very pleased to introduce today's guest, Jeff Jones. Jeff is a Licensed Counselor and the Founder of the Family Recovery Solution and Family Addiction Engagement Training. Jeff is also very passionate about helping families navigate the complexities of addiction recovery and decreasing the daily death rate, which is sadly related to this devastating illness. Welcome to Addiction Recovery Place Podcast, Jeff. It's great to have you with us today.

Jeff Jones: Thank you very much, Chris. I appreciate that introduction and specifically the connection between families and reducing the number of deaths. Yeah.I'm glad to be here.

Chris Langley: It's

Jeff Jones: Thank you.

Chris Langley: Absolutely. Well, I'm really looking forward to talking to you today and hearing about your, your amazing service that you provide. So we're just going to dive straight in, Jeff. Can you tell us about [00:01:00] yourself and how you started the family recovery solution, please?

Jeff Jones: Yeah. Sure. My story that drives me comes from my childhood, and there was no active addiction in my family of origin. My mom had some eating issues, but at that time it wasn't really connected. It wasn't seen as addiction, but my mom's father, my grandfather showered more love and attention upon me than anybody in my whole life. On the other side of it, my grandfather and my mom had a complex relationship where she hated him, quite frankly, and

Chris Langley: something

Jeff Jones: happened between them, some kind of trauma that she never talked about throughout her whole life. For me, that was very confusing because I loved them both, and it didn't feel safe to love [00:02:00] my grandfather in my mom's presence.

It was many years later that I really, asked questions about the complexity of that, and I was just curious. I did my own drug and alcohol journey when I was younger, but it wasn't really harrowing to where I had to go to a treatment center. As a therapist, I was doing DUI groups and heard stories over and over from people that inspired me to go. Jeff, you're taking too much risk just going out to, the restaurant with some friends and having a couple beers and a burger and chatting it up.

I really thank a lot of people in these DUI groups for hearing their story and it finally getting in to me, but [00:03:00] I held questions from a child as how does the family become a part of the solution here, which I'm going to be talking about.

And the other question, which is another conversation is how do people actually get better? And that was a question that I saw once I worked in the industry and saw the revolving door, that was a question. Anyhow, that's a little bit of my backstory. So when I became a therapist, I focused on families and addiction and eventually was super curious, like why families get marginalized.

A lot of times they're the ones that get people into treatment, but then they get pushed to the side or Was a lot of There was a lot of the shaming language and stuff like [00:04:00] that really, it just didn't fit for me, and it didn't fit my experience of being in a family with addiction.

Chris Langley: Yep. Goodness me. Yeah. Families play such a pivotal role in recovery. I'm a true believer in this. So how does your program work and how does the family of someone experiencing addiction get involved?

Jeff Jones: Yeah. In some ways, the program is pretty simple, but it flies against the face of the way we normally see addiction in families. Normally, the focus is on that one person and getting them to change and pushing them and having hard conversations and probably arguments. I've done is I've expanded the focus from that one person to [00:05:00] include family addiction education early and as soon as possible.

That's the main emphasis here is family addiction education as early as possible. I know that's hard for families because of all the stigma and stuff like that. However, I want people to know that I've done a lot to in this expanding to show that this problem didn't start with you. Really the underlying factor here is love because how do families a thousand miles that way, and a thousand miles that way that don't know one another, how do they know to do the same wrong thing? It's love. [00:06:00] Anyhow, family addiction education early, and then incremental family change, like once the family learns some things and they see some of these bigger patterns that they've fallen into, they have an opportunity to make change and their brain is working better than the individual who is in addiction. Eventually, they can make change.

Of course, the education comes with coaching, but then the next step is as families start changing; they incrementally change their communication and offers to their loved one. Ideally, so everyone can live beyond addiction. I may have said that, very simply, and we [00:07:00] both know that it's not simple. A lot of different things happen, but that's the short answer to your question.

Chris Langley: Yeah. You mentioned a word just then, which comes up in every one of my podcasts and it's "stigma." Why do you think stigma has such a pivotal role in stopping someone entering treatment? Because in this day and age, it's, to me, it's very strange that we're still having this thing that's stopping people engaging because of just that one thing.

Jeff Jones: Yeah. we're still using language and thought process and understanding from hundreds if not thousands of years ago. Many centuries ago, like the Egyptians thought flogging was a cure to drunkenness. And [00:08:00] it's like, really? Turks thought a cure would be pouring molten lead down the throat,

and that was a cure. Lead poisoning, potentially death. But it's like crazy stuff. Then it was like a moral issue, and it was a choice. Now it's a disease. There's still a lot of that old thinking, which results in shaming and stigma, and "that's a bad person" and "that's a bad family."

I'm glad you asked that question, Chris, because that's largely one of the biggest challenges that I'm having.

Chris Langley: Yeah. Yeah. I, guess from your, very short history lesson, then Jeff, that, we have progressed somewhat with stigma, but from what you were telling me, what the Egyptians were doing compared to now, I guess [00:09:00] we've, there's some, there's some movement here, but, to me, it just frustrates me still.

So I guess, what you've just explained to me shows that we have moved on as a society slightly, but I think there's still a very, long way to go. And what you're doing with your family addiction engagement program is showing this. You have six sessions of the program, Jeff, and I'd love you to go through each of these just to tell our audience how this works.

Jeff Jones: yeah, sure. and I'll try to do this very succinctly, and feel free to ask more questions along the way. The first session is, I expand out here to mixed messages in the culture about addiction. And it isn't so important that we identify each mixed message. It's [00:10:00] important to know that they're there, and then they trickle down into the family. Family systems, and there's all kinds of patterns that show up in family systems. And so that's the second session. And then the third session is recognize impact that family members recognize how they have been affected. And so the third session has stuff in there about adrenal fatigue that eventually can lead to GI issues, gut issues. There's nutritional interventions in the third session, so my addiction nutrition mentor, some of the stuff I learned from her, I have brought into session three and session [00:11:00] four. Session four about power and recognizing patterns of power, like our own power, how we use power, or do we put someone else above us or do we put ourself above them? But it's like really looking at and understanding how power is used in individual relationships, and how it manifests into how families do family together, because there isn't just one way to do family. like, I'm a big proponent on, I don't tell people what they need to do. I provide information and coaching to help them make their best decision. So power is session four. Session five is about communication, and [00:12:00] specifically I focus on different ways to communicate to provide offers, set boundaries, and essentially, incrementally move towards more and more boundaries.

So a big part of this whole process is incremental change for, the family and then session six is bringing it all together.

Chris Langley: Yes. You touched on something earlier that was really interesting. I've never really come across before the nutritional side of things. Can you just explain to me a little bit more about that? Cause that was really interesting about that.

Jeff Jones: In the beginning and when I said, I've held two questions [00:13:00] for a very long time. And one was how do people actually get better? What I have seen, how people actually can get better is to heal the reward deficiency pathway that people with abnormal genetics are most prone to, so it's genetics, and then when they have an environment that turns those genes on, they have a greater tendency to addiction. Amino acids, supplements can start to heal that reward pathway and, I wrote a Substack article about the reward deficiency pathway, and at the end of it, I have some links. What I find [00:14:00] interesting is that not many people even know the concept of reward deficiency syndrome,

which Dr.

Ken

Blum did the research for and

I find it very interesting that Dr. Ken Blum did this research in the 80s on Reward Deficiency Syndrome, and that's not really all that well known in the addiction recovery space. The whole nutritional piece has that focus of healing the reward pathway.

Healing it with the biochemical part of it with supplements, but then the other part of it is all of the recovery skills that we know and love. So it's who we hang out with , what we do, what we think about, are we able to catch our own, [00:15:00] faulty thinking or our own B.S. or as A.A. says, "denial."

I don't even know I'm lying to myself. And then the other part of it is the whole spiritual part. individuals start working on all three of those, they can get better. And The traditional recovery thing, it oftentimes forgets about the biochemical piece, or there's an assumption that pharmaceuticals are going to take care of that.

Chris Langley: So when you start working with families, how do you approach your family that may be a little bit resistant towards this new approach? Because it's a very interesting program that you've got, and I think, families that have gone through someone who is going through an addiction could be very frustrated by the point they get to you. So do you ever find [00:16:00] much resistance at all?

Jeff Jones: I find quite a lot of resistance, quite frankly, and I think the norm is for families to try and try and do their very best. But a lot of times what that looks like is doing some of the same stuff over and over again, and they don't see these patterns that have trickled down.

They oftentimes use the same strategies, get the same results, and they're super frustrated . And generally, with roles in the family, there's different roles, so they see the situation differently. They have a different relationship with their loved one who's still using.

They have a different thought process and strategy and generally, if the child is the one who is still using, it's the mom who doesn't give up, [00:17:00] and they're in the role of the savior, the rescuer, the codependent, the enabler. I don't like those, I don't like the label "enabler."

Chris Langley: Absolutely. Yep.

Saying "enabling" in the addiction recovery space. We all know what that is, and what I say is, "Hey, I'm always enabling something.

I can either be enabling old patterns that reinforce addiction, or I can be enabling health." But it really takes discerning the difference.

So when I initially talk to people, generally, they don't come to me until they're totally burned out. It's just one person. It's not the whole family, and they've been in and out of many horrific situations . , I want to say, "I'm sorry that our system works that way, and I'm [00:18:00] trying to change it quite frankly."

Do you find when family members have gone through your program at the end, it must be such a weight off their shoulders when they see a light at the end of the tunnel, if that makes sense. And that must be so rewarding for you to know that you've really helped many, families get through this pathway.

Jeff Jones: Yeah. Well, I do feel a lot of gratitude from people. People that go through this program, they start making some changes. We continue to have a coaching relationship and different things happen. And at some point, they have a better understanding as to what they need to do, how they can make their own best decision,

as opposed to what I've seen is coaches like in a [00:19:00] general way, like what I'm doing, they just tell people what to do, and they can help people get out of a situation. But when a chaotic situation happens next, then what are you going to do? I don't want people to be dependent on me.

But it takes a long time for people to change because I see that our thinking process has been we're still back in, maybe not in the flogging and pouring molten lead down the throat, but it's like addiction is changing way quicker than our understanding of it. When I was a kid, it was mainly alcohol or cigarettes.

That was it. Marijuana, which I didn't really hear about or know about, but [00:20:00] that's been around a long time, and now, oh my gosh, there's so many different things that can feed the reward pathway, illegal and legal substances. Going back to the nutrition and food and the reward pathway like sugar is primarily one of the biggest ones like "I've stopped drinking, but I'm eating a lot of sugar and just gained 70 pounds or something."

I've heard of sponsors who actually say "carry sugar in your pocket" to their sponsees. They tell them this, "if you ever feel like drinking, have some sugar," so they get this blood sugar spike and it does help in the moment. There's a way to deal with blood sugar and like one of the amino acids that I use specifically for that , and it's just a beginning, but that's glutamine. [00:21:00] There are numerous strategies here. Protein, too, so glutamine and a protein bar can be your first aid kit for early recovery.

Yeah, that's really interesting. I didn't know, obviously I knew about the sugar and alcohol and things, but I didn't realize that having, an easy kind of quick fix if you have those kind of crashes that could be a benefit. That's really interesting stuff. How long do you work with families for? Would you say on average?

Unlike the norm kind of thinking out there is if my loved one just goes to a treatment center for 30, 60, 90, then they're going to come home and they're going to be fixed and they have the problem and we the family don't have to do anything.

Now, I see that as problematic thinking, and I see that as dividing a wedge between the individual in early [00:22:00] recovery and the family because the family is still doing a lot of these same patterns. The same back and forth relationship, and the same way they do family together, which can contribute to, if someone comes back from a treatment center and they really want to practice everything they learned, they can slide back into their old role and potentially use easier. The family can be enabling these old patterns that reinforce addiction.

So I see recovery as more of a three to five year process. Ideally, I work for families, work with families for years. Initially, [00:23:00] the family addiction engagement training, these six sessions, which is, I have it in a four month program right now. Two weeks for every, session, because there's field work.

There's things to do at the end of every session. It isn't just listen to this video or read this PDF, and then you'll be fine. It isn't like that. The whole change process I see takes a while. Once someone gets into early recovery and if they want to go the biochemical route with amino acid coaching and nutrition that rebuilds the nutrients that addiction broke down, if they want to go that route, there's a lot that I can offer.

And I [00:24:00] give referrals to people who have the same training that I do in the Academy for Addiction & Mental Health Nutrition. I always get that confused, but it's like then the individual can start to have facilitated communication with their family and talk about what they're doing, how they're progressing, and have regular meetings. Then once the individual says that, then the family has an opportunity to go, "Oh, that's great. It's good. You're doing that. It's good. But what about this? And what about that? And there's this other thing," specifically when it's, partners or a spouse. I have long term programs like three years, a year, and I also start with this, training, [00:25:00] which is a family's first model for families to get education while their loved ones still using.

Chris Langley: Wow. I could just imagine the relief it must be to some family members who are almost giving up hope to find your program because it puts a whole new slant on things and a whole new angle for recovery.

Jeff Jones: I agree with what you're saying, Chris. And one of my biggest challenges here is treatment centers could have this program to coach families before their loved one is even ready, which is why I'm doing webinars for professionals as well as families. Then on the back end , before the individual gets out of the treatment center, they can actually begin this structured communication and [00:26:00] these ongoing meetings can be an area of accountability and talking about what's really true.

And what I love about the structured time to do that it isn't like the family, the individual can have boundaries with their family and say, "okay every Wednesday at four o'clock" for instance, "we're going to have these meetings, but I don't want you like broadsiding me every time I come home. You know, what about this?

What about that? Did you stop off the bar?" Blah blah. You know all of that which does not help rebuilding trust.

Chris Langley: Yeah Most definitely. Most definitely. It's been fascinating stuff, this. It really is. How can a family member or professional contact you to access the program, or to talk about the program with you?

[00:27:00] The simple way is through my website

thefamilyrecoverysolution.com There people can sign up for a webinar. They have the opportunity to take, the Alcohol Bio Quiz for underlying genetics, and they can also, sign up to have a free conversation with me. So that would be the, easiest first connect with, me.

Yeah. Wonderful stuff.

Last, couple of questions. I ask all my guests this question because I get some really interested and varied answers, but can you tell me your opinion of what harm reduction is and how it can play a pivotal role within recovery?

Jeff Jones: Yeah, thank you for that question. I like that question because harm reduction goes against the grain of [00:28:00] abstinence-only kind of thing.

Harm reduction, which in some ways when I was learning about harm reduction can be, from a sexual contact standpoint can be using condoms as opposed to not using condoms. The whole family addiction engagement training, this incremental step-by-step part of it is, in my mind, a harm reduction approach.

But families are incrementally changing the harm that they allow in their family. So I love the concept. I'm very much of a "both" "and" thinker. Abstinence. I know there's been [00:29:00] many people who their life has been saved with abstinence, and I know that's important and underlying, understanding, the underlying, abnormal genetics. I really get why some people can never drink again, and why other people, they just might be able to. So the harm reduction concept, I love it because instead of just black and white thinking it's abstinence or nothing, it's both and thinking. Let me just try this and see and learn.

But from the standpoint of alcohol, harm reduction, I really question that because of what I was telling you about Dr Blum's research, and just within the last month or [00:30:00] two, there's a program out in San Francisco that got a big grant to do harm reduction with alcohol. I thought, "boy, from the standpoint of the underlying genetics I'm not sure this is money and time well spent."

I would love to follow up with that program. I haven't. So there's my answer to harm reduction. It's a huge question. I love the both and. So thank you for asking.

No, that was wonderful. Thank you for explaining that to me, Jeff. Last question. Do you have a message for anyone listening to this podcast who's going through addiction or a mental health trauma?

Addiction, like many mental health issues are, mild, moderate, severe. So they incrementally build up [00:31:00] and, my encouragement to people listening to this podcast is for families to go against the cultural grain and to reach out sooner, rather than later and be aware if they reach out to the traditional kind of approaches

they may feel the shame and blame and that kind of thing. That's my message.

Chris Langley: Wow. That's a perfect way to end today's podcast, Jeff. Thank you so much for your time today. It's been really interesting. It's been a real privilege and honor to talk to you to find out about what you're doing.

It really is very powerful stuff, and, I'd suggest anyone to listen to this who wants to find out more to, to contact Jeff directly. So thank you very much indeed. Much appreciated.

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